As ising

I’ve been on the ICE Stuttgart - Essen for an hour. Laptop in front of me, with no idea what I could inspire you with in my blog this time. Yes, I’m stressed. Why? Three days of the German Speakers Association (GSA) convention. Days full of input, lots of talks, self-promotion and nights full of parties. I am tired. I want to enjoy a relaxing train ride home. And just as I’ve settled comfortably into my compartment with my coffee, the thought pops into my head: I’m going to hand in my column for as IT-Spektrum. Tomorrow. Tadaaa. Ciao relaxation! Hello Stuck.

Primal fear

I feel better now. More liberated. Calmer. And the writing flow is starting again. We do that far too rarely: Say what’s going on and how we’re feeling. In other words, really go and say. Instead, we are busy maintaining our role and keep the “professional” mask on. After all, what might others think if I admit that I don’t know or can’t do something right now? This triggers the deepest primal patterns in us: Loss of face. Fear of criticism, rejection and exclusion. Unfortunately, this not only saps a lot of personal energy, but also leads to some very strange consequences that we are all too familiar with in everyday life: Meetings full of excuses, evasions, empty words without content or solution. Smouldering conflicts, silence, strange looks in the coffee kitchen. Prefabricated “arguments” in dailies, review meetings and the like.

Pink Elephant

We underestimate how clarifying and good it is to simply address what is in the room and how we are feeling at the moment. In training, workshops and consulting, we call this “as ising” - simply addressing what is. The exciting thing is that others usually have the same thought or a similar perception and are grateful when it is addressed.

My charming wife recently told me about the parents’ evening at school: an unbearably lengthy election procedure for the class council. Standard routines. My wife had another topic on her mind: the “working hours” of the children from grade 10 onwards. With 8 to 10 hours until 3, 4, 5 pm, there is just a 20-minute lunch break. From 12 noon, there are 5 minutes between subjects. She brought it up. The topic was dismissed as unchangeable, the moderation continued, no one commented. Afterwards, outside, the feedback from various parents: “Thank you for saying that, that was the most important topic of the evening, I agree”.

Overconfident everyday business life

It’s actually crazy how many resources are wasted in all the meetings, discussions, zooms and conversations. People lollygag around, take refuge in standard routines, anything to avoid addressing the pink elephant. And the cost and effort ticker keeps running.

Of course, it takes courage and bravery to address things. And sometimes it doesn’t work. I also catch myself having an impulse and not raising my hand, not saying anything. But I don’t want to let myself get away with it and I practise, practise, practise. Because I believe that “As ising” can be established as part of an appreciative, solution-oriented attitude - and we can all certainly get better at that.

With this in mind, why don’t you talk about what’s in the room anyway and be amazed at how this point resolves itself. I’m going to relax for the rest of the train ride.